I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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