Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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