he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Blow job season was short but glorious.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
