I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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