i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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