Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
