idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And then my night got REAL pukey
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
