okay pat passed out under dana's car
I met the friendliest cop last night
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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