he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
