Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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