A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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