everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
