i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
