U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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