Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
