Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
