Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
