Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
