Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
