Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
