This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
