My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
