what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
