I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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