this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
