So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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