when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
