"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
