Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
