He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
