he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
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