Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
