I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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