it's too hot outside to masturbate.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
