time to smoke my breakfast
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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