why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
