I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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