theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
