weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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