i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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