Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
