forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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