you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
