Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just cropdusted the office
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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