Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
