im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize