While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
