Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
