I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
