Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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