Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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