Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
