But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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