He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize