Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
