We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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