The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
