and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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