i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
