i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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