Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
