My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
