Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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