I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
