she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
