how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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