Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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